8.05.2005
Butt out.
The other day I picked up a copy of the monthly Oriental Manhattan newspaper, available in Chinese and English, to look through on my trip up the elevator. You will, gentle reader, probably not be shocked to learn that I did it mostly because I knew there would no doubt be some fine butchered English, which is--surprisingly enough--still amusing even after all this time. (Although to date nothing can beat the "Be sure to grab your package!" sign that I have seen in some cabs, although I can't help thinking that following the instructions might lead to some awkward situations ...)
Anyway, one of the stories in the paper was about how people seem to toss their cigarette butts--and pretty much everything else, although the story doesn’t touch on that--pretty much wherever they want to around the grounds. I don't know why, but I love this headline:
Sure, it would be better if it said "Little Butt, Great Danger," but you can't have everything. And besides, this way the story can apply to both cigarette butts and Napoleon, so that's handy.
However, what's not so handy is the fact that people have apparently been throwing their butts out the window, which is nice, considering all the kids that play in the shadows of the buildings. (Not that I want to get hit with a burning butt--no kidding--but I'm just always thinking of the children. And the unfortunate. That's just who I am.) (Of course, I then normally try to think of something else, since I don't care about the children or unfortunate, but that's neither here nor there.)
Anyway, given that Holly and I have watched people through random pieces of garbage out their windows--sometimes people twenty or thirty stories up--I guess this shouldn't be that surprising. No more surprising, say, than watching little kids pee in the pool. And on that note, if the newsletter is to be believed, there is also a big problem with people not picking up after their dogs, which is gross but not really unexpected. I mean, if you can be bothered to throw your Doritos bag away in your kitchen instead of out the window, why would you pick up dog shit?
You wouldn't. Of course, I guess that doesn't really matter since you literally wouldn't--you'd have the maid do it. As the newsletter says, "please tell your housekeeper to prepare a plastic bag when taking a walk with the dog and clean the excrements." And if you think that's demeaning, don't worry! Remember, the housekeeper is well-paid for her excrement cleaning, probably more than a dollar an hour, so it's cool ...
Anyway, one of the stories in the paper was about how people seem to toss their cigarette butts--and pretty much everything else, although the story doesn’t touch on that--pretty much wherever they want to around the grounds. I don't know why, but I love this headline:
Sure, it would be better if it said "Little Butt, Great Danger," but you can't have everything. And besides, this way the story can apply to both cigarette butts and Napoleon, so that's handy.
However, what's not so handy is the fact that people have apparently been throwing their butts out the window, which is nice, considering all the kids that play in the shadows of the buildings. (Not that I want to get hit with a burning butt--no kidding--but I'm just always thinking of the children. And the unfortunate. That's just who I am.) (Of course, I then normally try to think of something else, since I don't care about the children or unfortunate, but that's neither here nor there.)
Anyway, given that Holly and I have watched people through random pieces of garbage out their windows--sometimes people twenty or thirty stories up--I guess this shouldn't be that surprising. No more surprising, say, than watching little kids pee in the pool. And on that note, if the newsletter is to be believed, there is also a big problem with people not picking up after their dogs, which is gross but not really unexpected. I mean, if you can be bothered to throw your Doritos bag away in your kitchen instead of out the window, why would you pick up dog shit?
You wouldn't. Of course, I guess that doesn't really matter since you literally wouldn't--you'd have the maid do it. As the newsletter says, "please tell your housekeeper to prepare a plastic bag when taking a walk with the dog and clean the excrements." And if you think that's demeaning, don't worry! Remember, the housekeeper is well-paid for her excrement cleaning, probably more than a dollar an hour, so it's cool ...
