Me and Chairman Mao
  Me and Chairman Mao: The Book!
I have returned! Like Patton, but less violent and, let's face it, less dead. Although the first could be argued if you are on of the aliens I spent an hour or so shooting at on my XBOX last night, but I'm guessing that won't apply to most of you, since you are likely not made-up aliens. As opposed to, you know, the real ones that have a predilection for anally-probing people who didn't finish high school. (Different strokes, etc.)

Why am I back? Not to actually post the few last posts I've been talking about putting up for like 4 or 5 months. (And really, they are not that exciting, so I don't know why I haven't. And come to think of it, I'm not exactly sure what they were even supposed to be anymore. Hmmm.)

And I'm not back to talk about the Olympics, although my one comment on that is if you are going to cover the Olympics in a foreign country, you should probably learn how to pronounce things correctly. Seriously. I mean, how hard can it be? Why is Chinese the only language where people refuse to pronounce people's names correctly? I get it--really, I do--saying "wang" over and over is funny, for at least the first 50 to 100 times. But at some point doesn't someone say to you "Um, dude--it's pronounced 'wong.'" But consider the well-known French medalist in the prestigious and popular Olympic sailing competition (who I never heard of it until I just looked at Yahoo!) Jean Baptiste Bernaz. Do you think any of the announcers pronounce his name jean like in Levi's? No, of course they don't--they say john as in toilet. And while I'm not sure that's an improvement, at least it's correct. Unlike, say, wong ...

But whatever. That's not the point, as is always the case with these blog posts. The point is that I'm back--if only temporarily--to talk about my book: Me and Chairman Mao, which you can find by clicking that last link or that last link or even that last last link or ... whatever. I'm sure you can find it, especially since my readers make up the smartest 1% of the population, according to market research that hasn't yet been done.

Anyway, for now--and probably forever, honestly--that website is the only place to find the book. Why? Because I couldn't get anyone to actually publish it. Or even try to publish it, although several agents did tell me it was "funny" but that they could never sell it. Apparently humor doesn't sell. (Quick, someone tell David Sedaris!) (Not that I'm comparing myself to him, of course.) (I never worked as a Macy's elf, but he did.)

Where was I? Oh yes, so rather than let it moulder away--or, I suppose, since it's an electronic file, become obsolete (which it may be already since it isn't a docx)--I decided to just put it all out there online. And, to make it even better, I used something called a Creative Commons license, which basically means you can feel free to download it, copy it, print it, send it on to your friends, or whatever. Just, you know, don't start selling it. (That's pretty much it, but you can find out more about it
here, if you are interested.)

And I think that's it. If anything more comes of the book -- like if, say, anyone actually reads it -- I'll let you know. But in the meantime, send this
link to all your friends. They'll thank you for it, I promise.*

Enjoy, and, sort of like Patton, I shall return -- again. There was a Patton 2, wasn't there? The first one did so well, with the Oscars and all, I just sort of assume there was ...

(*No legal guarantee or promise implied or given by the word promise. Also, I had my fingers crossed. Got you.)
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